This one is kind of tough... There are so many moments in my life that I wish I could go back to, maybe change things... but what we did in those moments, helped to shape us to who we are now. If I had done things differently, things wouldn't be the same right now.
I think one of the biggest moment(s) that I wish I could relive are times with my Bampa. Many of you know that he passed away after a long and painful struggle with pancreatic cancer just almost two years ago. Unfortunately, my Bampa was not a believer. We tried talking to him, our friend's tried talking to him, but he always just said that he wasn't interested in those things. Because we took care of him at home those last few months, we had many chances to talk to him. I know my mother did, when it was her turn to be at her post, helping Nana with him. For the first couple of months, nothing changed too drastically, except that he lost a lot of weight. Towards the end, though, when he was bed ridden, I wish that instead of sitting by his bed holding his hand and saying prayers in my heart, that I said them out loud, or perhaps have been bold enough to try talking to him more. I often got discouraged whenever he refused talking about Christ and His redeeming blood. Whenever I got a rebuttal, I tended to clam up and not say any more, being afraid of... I don't know what. Although I know that at one point the Holy Spirit came through me and I said something I probably never would have said on my own, being afraid of offending him or something, I wish I had done more than that. I wish that I had prayed for more of the Holy Spirit to help me instead of just praying for his salvation.
Through my tears of writing this, I realize that although I wish for something more during those moments, wishing to relive them, I am glad that God has shown me something through it. By not being able to share with my Bampa because of my cowardice, I have learned to try to share the Gospel at any chance I get. That doesn't mean that I succeed every time, that the words pass my lips, but at least I know what I need to do and know that the Lord will give me strength and courage to do it.
In Christ's Service,
Sarah
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2 comments:
My Dear Sarah,
I know how hard it can be!! Know that I go through the same things, and I am always here if you need me! Love ya so much dear!!
~Ellie
Dearest Daughter,
You are never responsible for anyone's decision when it comes to salvation. Bampa knew, and he heard. He also knew that by admitting there was a God that he would have to choose whether to serve Him or not - he told me that. I don't know - nor do any of us - whether he finally accepted Christ's precious gift that He offers to all. What I do know is that Bampa herd the salvation message every day - not through your words but through your life. Our actions speak louder than words, and as you struggled to live each day for Christ, Bampa saw that.
If the Holy Spirit has laid on your heart to be more bold, then do so!!! Just remember that we are called to share who Christ is and like Peter, be ready to answer when someone asks, "What must I do to be saved?" You are not, however, ever responsible for whether or not someone listens to - only whether you speak boldly when God calls you to do so. I know that you will, and I am grateful for your heart being so sensitive to the opportunities He brings to you. I love you!!!
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