When His Grace is Sufficient

Too often I try to be a perfect little Christian. You know, the kind where we always put on a face, no matter how we're feeling. We had to give such a perfect image... or at least, that's what we feel like we have to do. Yet, day by day, I fail miserably at this formidable task. Look happy when I'm as low as dirt?  Try to make others feel good when I myself am crying from all the pain on the inside?

Let's try to be realistic about this for just a moment. We feel this pressure that, as Christians, we have this higher standard to uphold. That suddenly, being sinners saved by Grace, we now have to act like saved by Grace people and throw that sinner part in the wind. Oh wait, I just remembered... we can't.  We're sinners. Period. Before we were saved by Christ's blood, we were sinners. After we were saved by Christ's blood, we're still sinners.

Yes, we are covered and our names are in the lamb's book of life, but the point is, we're still sinners.  I don't know about you, but I'm rather weary of trying to pretend I'm something that I'm not.  I can't continue going on, day by day, pretending that all is well with me when it isn't. Yes, we are called to a higher standard now of living, but that doesn't mean that we won't sometimes stumble... and when we do, we experience that grace and mercy all over again. Why do you think there are so many verses TO CHRISTIANS in the bible talking about God's mercies are new every morning or turning away from our wicked ways?  It's because God KNEW we would continue to fall into sin. He knew it from the beginning of creation, before we were even brought into existence.

Just recently I experienced one of my 'down moods'. You know, the ones where everything just kinda hits you like a train? All those emotions go flooding through your mind and you feel as if you're going to drown in it all. Unfortunately, I was at a party... not a great place to suddenly have a 'break down', for lack of better words. But hey, gotta get hit at the most inopportune times, right? 

Thankfully, one of my 'Titus 2 women' noticed and helped me get away. We snuck back to her room and we talked. She encouraged and lifted me up when I needed it most... but the thing she said to me that stuck the most was that 'God can handle all of your big emotions'.  See, I was feeling guilty, yes, guilty, for being so emotional. What was wrong with me anyway? Everyone else was having a grand ol' time and I was ruining it by letting my emotions come into play. Of course, I didn't ruin anyone's day and everyone had a wonderful time, thankfully.  But it was good for me to be reminded of that simple fact; that God can handle my big emotions.

Too often I forget the whole point of my relationship with Christ. Sometimes I start viewing it as a 'Father up in Heaven.... who looks down at us'.... but I kind of forget that whole 'Father' part... I mean, when I have a problem, I love talking to my dad about it. Why? Because he's so full of wisdom and good advice... so why do I forget that my Father in Heaven is the same way and just as approachable as my father on earth?  Because as soon as I forget that, everything else comes crashing in.

Thoughts of doubt fill my head, I start feeling like a failure. All these problems start rising up, so I put more burdens on my shoulders. I try to carry it all and when my knees finally buckle under the crushing weight, I blame myself and feel guilty for not being joyful about it and putting on a face.

It's like we forgot that relationship with Christ. He is the one Who wants to carry our burdens for us. Yet somehow we feel like we have to do it all ourselves. And here's why, for me anyway, I think I do it.  I feel like it's  a 'proving myself good enough' kind of thing. Like, I can handle it because 'I'm a good Christian and I know how to deal with all this junk'.... but apparently, I don't. Because the way we're supposed to handle that junk, as Christians, is to give it to God.   We're not supposed to try holding it all ourselves. We can't. We physically, emotionally, and mentally can't truly handle all of it. And God knew that. Again, He gives us mercy and tells us that He knows we can't handle it and what we need to do is to give it to Him because He can.

Yet again, however, we do this thing of turning our backs on that offer. We don't need His help. We can handle it because, after all, I've got God... oh wait...

So I stop and think for a moment and realize just how silly I'm being. Here I talk about the fact that 'I'm just a sinner who's been saved by Grace' and yet I act like I was just 'saved by Grace' as if I didn't have anything to be saved from, really. As if I'm perfect and I live a happy and wonderful life because if I dare to say anything to the contrary, I'll be snapped at.

But who are these 'people' we fear are snapping at us? Who do we fear to be judged by? Other Christians? Just people in general? And yet, they are the one thing that we shouldn't worry about at all. Because we don't need their approval ratings. We only need God's. Yet time and time again I find myself wondering if people are going to approve of this action or that. If people will think I'm lame because I did this or that. Or if I will lose my witness because I've crumbled under the weight of my burdens.

Then those words come running back through my mind.... "God is big enough to handle it all."

Why do I keep trying to be perfect when I already know it's impossible? It's like trying to put toothpaste back in the tube... it ain't happin'.

However, there is a standard to live by. But the wonderful thing is that, though we have instructions on how we now need to live our lives and grow in Christ, we still have the verses that remind us of God's mercy. He knows it's a journey, one that lasts a lifetime. As we walk along our path, there will be days when we are solid and tight. But there will also be days when the pain and grief that surround us come crashing in over our walls and we have to learn to let go.  We just have to close our eyes, hold out our hands and let God rescue us.

Stop listening to the lies about how we have to be perfect. Because, as my Titus 2 woman friend also reminded me, if we were perfect, there would be no room for God. No need for Him. And that is actually a very sad thought. I can't imagine my life without Christ. He is my everything, but that doesn't mean that I'm not also human and a sinner and I will still fail on my quest to become like Him. Sometimes I just have to let His grace be sufficient for me. I have to stop holding on and just be held, broken as I may be. He will hold me together if I let Him.

I'm Going on An Adventure!

It feels like summer to me. Granted it hasn't officially started by a calendar's standards.. but who *really* goes by that, anyway?

Summer is one of my favorite times of year. Which is funny.. because I think I say that about each season.. well, except for Spring. But that's only because it's always terribly windy here in the Spring, so it's not very enjoyable. =P

But I absolutely adore summer. Really do. For some reason it brings back very sweet memories. A certain smell or view... it just is wonderful. Hard to describe, but I have a feeling most everyone will get it. ;-)

The other thing about summer is that it seems to be the time to really get out and do stuff. That's the time you're the most free somehow.

Well, I had a ton of exciting stuff just land in my lap recently. Well, almost in my lap. ;-) First off, I had an opportunity to go and be a seamstress on a big movie set. I was ecstatic about that one. How cool would that be?!? I mean sewing costumes with a huge budget? Um yes please!! However, as I dug deeper into what would be required for it, I found out there were some things I really didn't want to get in to. So, that door got shut. But I have to say I was still pretty thankful for it, because it was a pretty obvious door. Sometimes they are hard to tell apart from 'obstacles' that you need to over come.

The other super exciting opportunity I've got coming up is actually acting with a big local theater. Albuquerque Little Theater. Some might know it because that's where Don Knotts and Vivian Vance (Ethel Mertz in the "I  Love Lucy" show) started out. So it's pretty big. I've seen a couple plays there and they are outstanding. And now, I finally have the opportunity to go and audition. Don't know yet if I'll get in, but hey, just being able to try out will be amazing!

And so all this has gotten me to thinking... all these amazing things that are happening right now.

I know a lot of my followers are single young ladies. Perhaps some of you are waiting for 'Mr. Right' to come along and sweep you off your feet. Others might not be waiting for that so much, but maybe waiting on some other big event to happen.

Well, with all these things going on, plus seeing so many people getting married or engaged, it's made me realize how extremely precious and unique my time as a single person is.

I'll say first that I know being married is a wonderful and marvelous thing. A visual picture of our relationship with Christ as His bride. So I'm not saying that its bad in the least- just sayin' that now.

But to go on from there.... our time as a single is truly amazing. You are, essentially, very free. I realize you might have a job or other commitments, yes. But if you really think about it, you're pretty much on your own.

And then you realize.. you have got all your resources available for something really important. You're not spending them on huge grocery bills for a growing family, or paying for your kid's clothing, doctors, etc. (again, those are definitely a *blessing* when you have them!). Instead, they are all there for your use. And you can use them for something really important.

Serving God.

Honestly, there is no greater calling on earth for a follower of Christ than to serve Him. Whether it be by serving Him in the home raising a family that follows in His footsteps, or you're out on the mission field.

However, as you look at the different stages of life, there are some things that are easier to do while you're single. For one thing, if you felt called to go on an extended missions trip to another country, or even just out of town, you'd be able to, essentially, pack up and leave. You wouldn't need to worry about making sure it was going to work out for your family and husband, or anything. You could just go. You could volunteer some place that takes up all your free evenings. You can go and bless mothers with baby sitting or regular nannying.

There are seriously a lot of things you can do.. yet, sadly, I see a lot of young ladies who are simply pining away for the day prince charming will arrive. Now, don't get me wrong, I've prayed for that day, too. But the thing is, I've come to realize that, you know what, that day may never come. Do I want to waste my *entire* life waiting and pining for something when I could have just been *living* my life? And better still, living it for Christ??

Statistically, not everyone is going to get married. So right there I know there's a big chance I may never get married. Yes, I'd like to some day if God brings it all together like I know He will when it's that stage of His plan. But until that happens or until I die, I want to live my life out to its fullest extent. God gave me this wonderful, amazing, and beautiful life.

Why waste it?

"My Lord, I have failed you..."

(This is originally from my writing blog, but I wanted to share it here, too)

Sir Hawthorn waited outside the King's chamber. He was nervous, which was unusual. On a normal day while visiting his King, he felt at peace, happy, and in awe to be in the presence of such a King as he had the pleasure of serving. But today... today was different. He had no happy tidings to bring, no questions or requests that needed answering. Today he was only to give an account of the recent quest he had returned from. 

"The King will see you now," the page announced. Sir Hawthorn jumped slightly, being drawn out of his reverie rather suddenly. He stood, nodded, straightened his uniform, and followed the page's lead. He tried to calm the nervous butterflies in his stomach, but to no avail. How was one supposed to even prepare for such a task as this?

As he entered his King's chamber, he took a deep breath and kept his eyes on the ground. He could not bring himself to look upon his King's majesty. Not like this. 

"Sir Hawthorn! My faithful servant, how are you?" The King exclaimed, coming down from the throne and extending his arms for a warm embrace. Sir Hawthorn ducked his head in a quick salute, but stepped back quickly to evade the embrace.

"My Lord, you will not think so highly of me once you have heard my news," Sir Hawthorn, eyes still lowered, willed his voice not to tremble. He had gotten the first part out. Now to just tell the news.

"What is it, my son? You do not need to fear telling me anything. Come, sit and talk," The King motioned to two chairs by a table. Sir Hawthorn reluctantly followed and took a seat beside his King. He felt ashamed to be sitting so near to Him. 

"Now tell me, what is it that troubles you?" the King asked, in a gentle voice. 

Sir Hawthorn did his best to keep the tears from rolling down his face, yet one escaped and slowly made a trail down his cheek. "I have failed you, my Lord. Yes, I have failed you," the last words were barely whispered.

"Ah, I see..... I believe I know what you are talking about," the King answered, slowly. 

"What? But how could you? I've only just returned," Sir Hawthorn replied, confused.

"Yes, that is so. But I still know. You feel you have failed because your recent quest failed. Is this correct?" 

Sir Hawthorn stared at the King for a moment, surprised. "Yes... yes, this is so," 

The King smiled sadly at Sir Hawthorn. "My son, you did not fail me. Not in the way you think. Your quest failed because it was a quest of your own making. I did not send you on the quest and you did not even seek my permission,"

"But I saw a need, Sire, and my desire to serve this need was great!" Sir Hawthorn argued.

"Indeed! I saw it was so. But still, this quest was not of my making and therefore, you feel as if you have failed because your quest did not end as planned."

Sir Hawthorn sat quietly, realizing his King's words were true indeed. 

"My son, did you receive my letter for the quest that I would have had you go on?"

"Yes," Sir Hawthorn replied quietly, once again looking at the ground in shame.

"And did you receive them before, or during your own quest?"

"Once before, sire, and once during," Sir Hawthorn replied, beginning to realize where this was going.

"Indeed, it was so. I knew you had gone on a quest of your own. I knew you were thinking of going on this quest before you even went! This was why I sent you the instructions for mine. And when you still left for your own, I sent you instructions once more, in hopes that you would listen and return home."

"But, my Lord, I felt that there was greater need for my quest. That it was more... important."

The King smiled sadly and looked into Sir Hawthorn's eyes. "And that, my son, is where you are very wrong. No quest of mine is too great or too small for the one I have given it to. You need only listen and fulfill that quest as best you are able in order to please me. I cannot make you go on the quests I send you. I do not want to make you. I wish for you to serve me with your whole heart and willingly because you choose to do so," 

"Yes, my Lord," Sir Hawthorn replied. "But the fact remains, that I *have* failed you,"

"Nay, that is not so. My quest is still standing. It still needs to be done. And there is time to complete it."

"But, my Lord.... I feel.. I feel as if I am not able to complete it. Not without your help," 

The King smiled and took Sir Hawthorn's hand. "And my help I will certainly give you, my son. You need only ask and I shall be by your side," 

Sir Hawthorn smiled and bowed his head, "Then I have only to receive Your instructions once again, my Lord, and I shall go on Your quest."

Have you ever felt like you 'failed' the Lord? Like He had given you a task to do, but somehow that task got lost among the many other 'bigger' things you could be doing?

I know I've had it. Many, many times. In fact, I had it just recently. The sense of failure. The knowing that I wasn't doing what I was supposed to be doing.

See, as a writer, we sometimes get stuck in this sense of 'must be doing, must be doing'. And we're finding out what the most popular genre is at the moment so we can write some epic and amazing novel to put out there on the shelves of millions of book stores around the world. We start losing track of what our main goal is.

My most recent one was NaNoWriMo. I've written before about why I love this contest, so I won't repeat it again. But I was ready to participate and win and write a novel that I would publish and would become New York's Best seller, etc, etc, etc.  But I had something missing in my plan. A really big thing; God. I didn't have God in any of these plans. Sure I sort of halfheartedly prayed that God would give me inspiration and guidance on how to write this novel, but I wasn't focused on serving Him in it. I was focused on serving myself. I was tired of only being known as a 'children's author'. I wanted to write something my friends would read and actually enjoy. I wanted to write something that would become popular and talked about. I, I, I, I..... it's all about self.

So one evening, while driving home from work, I turned on the radio and heard a song. I don't remember what it was called or who it was by. But I do remember this... it was talking about "less of me, more of You, that who I want to be,". And the words struck a chord in my heart as I realized, "Lord, I have failed you. You gave me a task. A task that I thought was too small and not big enough. I got caught up in what the World thought of me instead of seeking You on a daily basis,". I started crying. Because you know what? This wasn't the first time I'd made that mistake. No, sir. I wish it was, but it wasn't.

As I cried, asking the Lord for forgiveness. And as I prayed, He said to me, "You haven't failed. Do the task that I already gave you and seek Me on it."

And so, feeling renewed again to go about my task, I began afresh. And isn't that wonderful that we can do that? That the Lord's mercies are new EVERY morning? It's beautiful and humbling.

So I 'failed' NaNoWriMo. I didn't get in a word count. I didn't get very far in my story. But I learned something far more valuable from it than I could have ever learned on my own. I may never come out with some big novel that hits the top 10 in book stores. Yet I will have something far better because it is the task, the quest that the Lord has given to me. And it is my honor to complete it, despite what others say, despite what I think, and despite the nagging that Satan gives me to tempt me to do something else.

And I have a feeling that this time, with the Lord by my side on His quest, I won't fail.

Quick Update From The Long Lost Girl

I feel as if I haven't blogged in forever... oh wait, I haven't. =P

Well, I'm back again. Glad to see me? Maybe... maybe not. Who knows? In any case, I'm back again. Hopefully I'll keep up with promises of all these fun posts. My life has been slightly out of order lately.

For one thing, we just arrived home last night from a week long trip up to California. Our dear friends (aka adopted cousins!) were celebrating the graduation of their eldest daughter. It was so much fun to be able to go up for a mini vacation and enjoy spending some time with them. =) Many, many memories were made. For the graduation party, my siblings and I sang, along with a few others, as part of Kara's 'graduation choir', so to speak. We sang several songs, including one from Celtic Thunder called 'Place in the Choir'. It was LOTS of fun!! =) I got to play guitar for a couple songs, so that was double score. After a wonderful speech from both parents and the graduate we made room for dancing! Calling English Contra dancing is something that I've enjoyed for a while now. I had offered to call dances at Kara's graduation, so that was a lot of fun. Everyone really seemed to have a good time, too. =)

While we were up there, we got to meet one of their real cousins from Texas. That was loads of fun and we all decided we fit in as one big crazy group. We made several 'scenic' ventures and got to go to the coast, Burney Falls (a BEAUTIFUL waterfall that Becca and I got to see last time we went up), saw the Redwood forest, and got to eat at the 'mess hall' that was used for loggers way back in the 80's/90s. That was really neat. Basically the set up was a bunch of long tables and then your server just brought out plates and bowls of all sorts of yummy goodness. Orange juice, coffee, bacon, toast, eggs, biscuits and gravy, and potatoes. If we ran out of something, we just asked for more and she brought it out. It was really cool. Perfect place for hungry boys, methinks. =) It set us up perfectly for a long day looking at the redwood forest and the ocean.


I think that the ocean might have been my favorite spot we went to. Mainly because no one else was there but us and well, quite frankly, it is just beautiful. I'd love to get a little beach house and just go and write. Mom said she'd tag along and cook and clean for me... hmm... thinking that might be a pretty awesome deal. (both photos were taken with my cell)







Hanging out, though, was truly the best. Fun to just visit, laugh, visit, laugh, play music, laugh, dance, laugh, swim, laugh. Yeah, basically a lot of laughing. However, the awesome thing is that we also had many wonderful discussions. But, our lifesaver was the pool. Their house, which is just beautiful, has an awesome backyard with an awesome pool. We pretty much spent a lot of time in there.. It was just SO hot! =)

Also, another neat thing was that, two days after the graduation party, was Meri's birthday! So we got to stick around for that as well! (Meri is the second daughter). Naturally, we had lots of fun. That morning, we got up and Josh and Dad fixed her their famous biscuits and gravy. Then, we opened gifts... she received a recurve bow and arrows to go with it from the men in her family, so she spent a good portion of the morning shooting. Then, while her cousin Abigail and uncle took her off to go buy some targets, the rest of us girls went out and decorated the deck in Hawaiian fashion, then surprised her with it when she got back. =) We did some dancing until about 8ish, and then we decided that it would be fun to just go for a late night swim. So we did! It was the most impromptu, silliest (in a good way!) thing I have ever done! Ok... actually not. But it was still fun! We swam until around 10:30. It was crazy fun! Definitely helped us cool down after the intense heat from the day!

However, despite the heat, we really enjoyed our time there. It was a big bummer when we had to leave. Hopefully I can steal some pictures from my sister so I can post some later.

Yet, it is also really nice to be home again. There is so much to do and I'm really looking forward to getting back to work again! We've got some landscaping in the yard coming up (finally gave up on trying to grow grass in the yard, so we'll just be bringing in some pretty gravel), putting in our volleyball court, and cleaning out the shop and such for Joshua's graduation party!

On that subject... wow. I can't believe he's this old already! Makes me feel.. super old.. lol!

Also, before I close, I'd like to make mention of a friend of mine who is working on getting his book published. The awesome news? You can help! He's currently entered in a contest and all he needs are lots of votes. Go visit HIS SITE to check out a synopsis of the book and to vote. If he gets enough votes, he could be up and running for a publishing grant. Also, check out his blog!

Alright! Off to my crazy life! Hope to see you all around here again soon!

Convention Surprises

This past Thursday, Friday, and Saturday were filled up. The CAPE homeschool convention was on! =) It's always a favorite time of year for me. Not only do I get to see friends and visit with them I also get to... well, see friends and visit with them. lol! Actually, it's a really great time to see friends, yes, but you also get to hear great speakers, see awesome vendors, and really get encouraged. =)

For the past two years I've had a table at the vending hall with a friend where we have sold our books. This year I wasn't as excited about it as I was the first year. I was disappointed that I hadn't gotten another book published and I was feeling a bit like a flake. Not only that, but I had a head cold, so I wasn't feeling all that great.

However, I got to convention, set up my books, started feeling a little excited about it, and settled in for a long weekend. When the first day ended with no sales, I was feeling a bit discouraged. However, I hadn't sold any books on Thursday of last year, either, so I figured it was just because mom's were looking around before they decided what to buy. So Friday dawned bright and early... way too early. I hadn't slept well, so I was feeling worse. With a somewhat bad start to my day, I was letting it affect the rest of my day. I only sold 4 books by the afternoon. I was feeling really discouraged. On top of that, I had a couple of people who weren't very nice stop at our table. Normally I would have been able to at least smile and try to encourage them (knowing they must be having a bad day or something). That day, however, I failed to be cheerful and let the bad moods of others affect me.

Saturday morning I woke up feeling a little better. I had been encouraged the day before by my wonderful mother, reminding me of my purpose and Who I needed to be glorifying. With her words in mind, I got to convention feeling much better. When I went to the exhibit hall to set up the table for the half day, I was greeted with a beautiful package, wrapped in newspaper (a writer's favorite!!) and a little note that read: "To Sarah Elizabeth, Authoress". No signature or any other indication of who it could be from. Inside was a beautiful journal and a homemade hair scrunchie. My curiosity was peaked to a high level. Who could have given that to me?

I inquired from friends, but no one really seemed to know. A few hours later, I stepped away from the table for a bit and, when I returned, my friend informed me that I had been left another package. This time it was a little bag of peanuts, some chocolates, and a note saying: "To Sarah, from ??" Now I was REALLY curious!! Who was doing this?? The Handwriting didn't match the other note, but if someone was trying to keep their anonymity, they certainly wouldn't use their own handwriting....

So I pondered over this for another hour or so before I left the table again to say hello to a friend. When I came back, my friend once again informed me that someone had dropped something off at our table. This time, however, there was a slight clue. The person who had dropped it off had simply tossed the note on the table, said, "The name's Paul" and ran off. The note was a folded up napkin that read: "Hey Sarah, I hope you sell lots of books today! =)". I scanned my brain trying to remember anyone I knew with the name of Paul. It came up blank. I really had no idea what was going on! A group of friends came up to the table and I told them about the new mystery. We all tried to figure it out for a bit... None of us had any ideas.

At lunch, a runner came up to me (for clarification, "Runners" are homeschoolers who have applied to help out at the convention. They kinda of have 'special' tasks like setting up, tearing down, helping vendors, etc, that other volunteers don't do, necessarily.). So a runner came up to me and said, "excuse me, ma'am, but I'm supposed to give this to you from Paul." It was a Dr. Pepper. I was totally floored. Not many people know that I *really* like Dr. Pepper. I don't have it very often, so it's a rare treat! I puzzled over this during lunch. My dear friend was laughing at me as I tried to figure this whole thing out. Who in the world??

Later, as I was looking at all the pictures of the graduates who would be graduating that afternoon, another runner came up and said, "I'm supposed to give this to you," It was another napkin note. I asked her who it was from, and she said she couldn't say.

At this point I thought I was going to go crazy! I really wanted to know who was doing this. I figured it had to be a friend, but I just didn't know who!

Finally, the culprits were revealed. Two of my good friends had pulled the whole thing off... Rachelle and Kelsey! They planned everything out, delivered the notes, got runners to do the little things for them, etc. It was totally awesome. And you know what? It really made my day. Not only did it add some interest to the rather slow day, but it really made me happy to think that they did that for me. I was totally floored. It was a blast hearing about how they pulled everything off!! I was completely clueless!!! =D

And then, my dear friend Sarah (who I lovingly call my 'conscience'- since she and I share names) was the one who got me the journal! =) So very sweet!!!! =D

So, thank you my lovely friends! Y'all are amazing and awesome! =) Now I just have to try to top it off next year!! =D  =D

You Really Want to Know What I'm Like?

Some of my readers really don't know who I am.  So, I'm giving you an opportunity to see what I really am like.  Don't worry, it won't freak you out or anything. In fact, you'll probably just get a good laugh. And you really won't know exactly what I'm like after reading this, but at least you'll get a glimpse of the crazy person that I am. ;-)

Go Here to read all about it!  (That is my sister's blog)

I hope you enjoy!
In Him,
Sarah

A brother who can stay sane even after his sister has lost it

Not lost it as in anger, but lost it totally in her sanity.  This evening, I was going around the house humming, "Oh Danny Boy". This is really a very pretty song, though a sad one.  I had recently taken an interest in it and had looked up the lyrics, chords, etc. Well, while I was fixing supper, I guess I began humming it.  After about ten minutes, Josh finally stands up from where he was sitting on the couch and said, "Sarah, can you PLEASE stop singing that?!" 
I looked at him innocently.  "Stop singing what?"
He looked at me. "That song."
"You mean, 'Oh Danny Boy'?" I asked, slightly confused.
He looked at me and smiled slightly, "Or at least finish it."
Now it was my turn to look at him suddenly. "Finish it?"
"Yeah, all evening you have been singing just the first part....Hummm, humm.." and he commenced to showing me what I was doing.  Yes, I was only humming the first part of the song and never got any further.  Don't know how it happened, but when Josh started imitating me, I immediately started laughing.  The thought of me walking about the house humming just one part of a song struck me as being rather silly, wouldn't you agree?  We laughed about it for a little while, then I continued doing dinner and Josh continued in his fire making. (don't worry, he was just lighting a fire in the wood stove)

A few minutes later, he jumps up again, "Sarah!...."
"What?"...........

Hope y'all are having a wonderful Christmas season! Keep up the joy in your house and have a couple of good laughs. It's good medicine. ;-)

In Christ's Service,
Sarah

Showers of Blessings and Walking with God

Have you ever felt like that beautiful Hymn was coming true in your life?  It is so wonderful when God heaps blessing after blessing upon you.  It's wonderful, yet I know I don't deserve one bit of it.  God just constantly puts me in Awe of Him.  Every day I will see something and just wonder at how creative, majestic, or loving God can be!  Don't believe me?  Just take a peek outside your window.  See that wonderful blue sky?  Maybe it's filled with billowing clouds-but those are a miracle, too!  I used to always wonder how those things used to stay afloat up there in the big blue.   Or, perhaps you'd prefer something a little closer to the ground.  Look at the trees! The flowers, the grass, even the dirt upon which you walk every single day, yet probably don't even think about for a second.

Isn't it amazing how God just blesses us with those little things in life?  Think of a little girl playing in a field.  Imagine her joy when she finds a pretty wildflower.  She eagerly plucks it from the ground, running to show it to her mother.  The girl finds such simple joy in the little flower she knows nearly nothing about.  She doesn't know that it takes millions upon millions of little atoms and molecules to form that budding beauty.  Yet, she just takes delight in the color of it, the look of it, the beauty of it!  To her, it is a wonderful thing to find.  Why should she worry over how many little cells are at work?

I sometimes wonder why we can't just take pleasure in those simple things ourselves?  That saying, "stop and smell the roses.." is one we really ought to take into heart!

Have you ever heard of some famous painter?  You've never met him, but you vaguely know who he is.  Someone mentions him often, so you decide to learn more.  You get a book from the library to read up on the guy, find out who he is.  Perhaps after reading it, you could care less.  Or, perhaps you read about him, and decide that he seems like a nice enough fellow.  Pretty soon, just out of interest, you've read every book about him and know just about everything there is to know.  It suddenly hits you that you've never seen any of his paintings... or perhaps you did, but you didn't pay much attention.  You go to a museum.  You find his work and stare at it in awe.  He was a wonderful painter!  He captures the onlookers attention with his colors and vibrancy in his life-like painting.  You are drawn even more to this fellow.  Suddenly, you have a small connection with him.  Not only have you read all about him, but now you've have seen his work and feel, almost, as if you really knew him.  It's a link from your world to his.

I think it's the same with God.  We read the Bible and find out all about Him.  How He saved His people from this disaster or from this enemy.  Yet, do we truly know Him?  Have you ever really studied those little flowers in the field and just marveled at His amazing Grace?  At His artistic work?  Or marveled at the fact that He took the time to make those simple flowers, to bring that little girl joy?

Although you might have read the Bible a hundred times through, I really don't think you will have the pleasure of KNOWING Him until you have really spent time with Him out in His fields, enjoying His flowers and nature that He has created. 

It may sound crazy to you, my readers. But I will say that I have never felt closer to God than when I am taking a quiet walk down the road, watching the Glorious sunset, and just thanking Him for the day He's given me.  It's then that I feel like I'm walking right beside my Abba.

I hope you can share in one of those walks, too.  Your day might be busy, and you might feel like kicking back and just relaxing, but really think about taking the time to spend with God. 

We should Never be too busy for Him.

In Christ's Service,
Sarah

I love you and miss you....

It is really hard to believe that it has been two years since my Bampa passed away.  It seems like only a week ago when we got the call that he had died and we all ran up to the house.......

Nana came over for supper tonight, and as we were eating, I remembered that we had been eating dinner when the call came.  Of course, we had been expecting it, but at the same time, it seemed so unreal.  Part of it, I think, is that it came so gradually.  My Bampa was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer about a year and half before his death.  As many of you probably know, pancreatic cancer is the most painful cancer...

It became a tough part of our life.  To think that something precious to you was slipping away was really hard.  He was normal for most of it, not really changing.  Except for a few emergency hospital visits, everything remained the same..... except one thing: he was not a Believer.  He had not yet taken those steps to inviting Jesus into his heart as his Savior.  I can't really explain the sadness that would sometimes creep over me.  It was this reality that hit me in the face like thunder, saying that once he died, I would never see him again.  It is like an impending doom.

Months passed by and he altered slightly.  Mostly losig weight and beginning to look older than he really was.  Bampa always looked very young-much younger than his age!

When he became seriously ill, we did hospice care (took care of him at home instead of sending him to a nursing home or hospital).  That was rather tough.. no, really tough.  To see your loved one fading away is never easy.  The weirdest thing was that he had faded so much, it was like he wasn't there.  It was just a shell of him, but HE was gone.  So, when the call came, it didn't really hit me, though I don't think it ever does for anyone until later on.  I still catch myself thinking, "Oh, Bampa would think that was so funny! I'll have to run up and tell him about it."  Or, when we came home from bull sales.  It was always so much fun to run up and let Nana and Bampa know how the bulls averaged, etc.

Having grown up in New York, we always teased him about the way he said things.  "Donkey" was pronounced "dunkey" in his vocabulary.  "Huge" was "yuge", "bottle" was "bottul" (not that he spelled them that way, only pronounced them that way.)  It was always so much fun.

He served in the navy, worked for NASA, and had a vivid love for learning, so listening to his stories was always interesting!  He was so knowledgeable... he could tell you just about anything. 

One of the best things about him, though, is that he made you feel really important... as if you YOU were his best friend.  In fact, there were so many people at the memorial service that would get up and say, "Well, I always though that I was his best friend..." He was just that way, always interested in what you were doing, learning, working on, etc.  It didn't matter if he didn't care for sewing or crocheting.  If he knew I was working on something, he always wanted me to tell him about it.  It was such a good lesson for my own life to be like that.  To be kind, considerate, and interested in others more than I ever was.

Although it has been 2 years, I still get an ache in my heart everyonce in a while. I love and miss Bamba so very much.  I wish everyone could have known him, could have heard his stories, could have heard his funny accent and pronunciation.  Though this may seem rather silly, I really feel like I will see him again.  Not because I think God had mercy and let him into heaven without him receiving Jesus, but because based on some things that happened, I think maybe he did accept Jesus in the end.

In Christ's Service,
Sarah

To my wonderful Dad....

I know I am a day late on this, but oh well.  I figured it was better late than never....

My Dad... well, many girls would disagree if I said he was the BEST Dad in the world because they think that their own Dad's are the best.. However, I have to say it.  Not only is Dad the best Daddy in the world, he is also the kindest, sweetest, funniest one, too!!

My Daddy can always make me laugh.  There have been times when he kept me in stitches.  He also has such wonderful wisdom.  There have been so many 'midnight chats', as I call them, with my Daddy.  He gives me so many wonderful pointers about different things in life.  Growing up, school, marriage, everything.  The best thing, though, is that he always points me back to God's Word.  Daddy also loves to follow his dreams and work as hard as he can to achieve them.  He doesn't shirk from duties or hard work.  Instead, he rolls up his sleeves (literally, in some cases!), and gets to work!

He is very knowledgeable in many ways. He is always willing to share what he knows and is very patient in his explanations of things.  He is my personal math tutor.  If I ever have problems with math, I always know I can go to Daddy to help me out.  History, however, is a different matter entirely.  He likes to say, quite jokingly, that there are 52 states- don't forget Alaska and Hawaii..! ;-) 

Although my Daddy is all of these wonderful things, there is one particular thing that he isn't.  He is not perfect.  But you know what? This is the thing I admire most about him.  He isn't perfect, and he knows it, but he is teachable.  A man who is teachable and willing to listen is what a man should be.

My Daddy is honest, honorable, and perseveres to the best of his ability.  He also gives the true meaning of JOY:

Jesus
Others
Yourself

That's my Daddy, only ten times better!  Words just sometimes can't explain everything you feel....

Thank you, my Heavenly Abba, for giving me this wonderful Daddy here on earth to give me a little taste of what it will be like to spend eternity with you! Amen.

I love you Daddy!!!

Your little girl forever,
Sarah

PS. As you can tell by the scarcity of the photos, my Daddy also tends to avoid the camera if he can help it! ;-)  And all photos were taken by Becca at the '10 bull sale.

Day 6: A moment I wish I could relive

This one is kind of tough... There are so many moments in my life that I wish I could go back to, maybe change things... but what we did in those moments, helped to shape us to who we are now.  If I had done things differently, things wouldn't be the same right now.

I think one of the biggest moment(s) that I wish I could relive are times with my Bampa.  Many of you know that he passed away after a long and painful struggle with pancreatic cancer just almost two years ago.  Unfortunately, my Bampa was not a believer.  We tried talking to him, our friend's tried talking to him, but he always just said that he wasn't interested in those things.  Because we took care of him at home those last few months, we had many chances to talk to him.  I know my mother did, when it was her turn to be at her post, helping Nana with him.  For the first couple of months, nothing changed too drastically, except that he lost a lot of weight.  Towards the end, though, when he was bed ridden, I wish that instead of sitting by his bed holding his hand and saying prayers in my heart, that I said them out loud, or perhaps have been bold enough to try talking to him more.  I often got discouraged whenever he refused talking about Christ and His redeeming blood.  Whenever I got a rebuttal, I tended to clam up and not say any more, being afraid of... I don't know what.  Although I know that at one point the Holy Spirit came through me and I said something I probably never would have said on my own, being afraid of offending him or something, I wish I had done more than that. I wish that I had prayed for more of the Holy Spirit to help me instead of just praying for his salvation.

Through my tears of writing this, I realize that although I wish for something more during those moments, wishing to relive them, I am glad that God has shown me something through it.  By not being able to share with my Bampa because of my cowardice, I have learned to try to share the Gospel at any chance I get.  That doesn't mean that I succeed every time, that the words pass my lips, but at least I know what I need to do and know that the Lord will give me strength and courage to do it.

In Christ's Service,
Sarah