Wednesday, June 1, 2011

A bit more of my book

Ok, I decided that I would go ahead and post some more of my book.  I kind of hated to leave you hanging like that.  So, I will probably post a chapter or two and then that will be it.   Thank you so much for your kind comments on my last post! I really appreciated it.  Also, if you have another questions/suggestions, please feel free to share them.  I am always looking forward to hearing what people suggest, so fire away..... just don't be too hard.. ;-) haha!  Oh, and I did include a tiny bit from the end of the last post, just to refresh your memories....

He awoke with the feeling that he was being drug.  Yes, he was most certainly being hauled along through the tall, dry grass, but he couldn’t remember what had happened.  Trent summoned his strength to lift his head off of his chest and look up at his captor, or perhaps rescuer, but to no avail.  Licking his parched lips, he struggled to remember what had happened.
            He noticed that whoever was carrying him was breathing hard, is if he was a heavy load for them.  Once again he tried lifting his head.  Fresh blood from his wound came trickling down his face.  Trent became dizzy and rested his chin on his chest as his  eyes slowly closed and all became dark.

When Trent woke again, he was lying in the grass with his head gently propped up on a blanket roll.  He slowly turned, grimacing as a sharp pain shot through his head.  He was lying in a small clearing in the woods.  A fire was crackling a few feet away, offering a welcoming warmth.  A few articles of clothing were stretched out on a log on the opposite side of the fire.  There seemed to be a pot of something cooking, but other than that there was no sign of another person being there.
            Above him the stars twinkled brightly, peeping through open spaces in the canopy of tree branches.  Reaching up, he gingerly touched his head.  A bandage had been wrapped around it and bound tightly.  The blood had been cleaned off his face.  His armor had been removed and a blanket covering placed over him.
            A branch snapped in the woods to his left.  He swiveled his head to look, instantly regretting it as another sharp pain shot through.  Half closing his eyes in feigned sleep, he scanned the edge of the clearing.  There!  Another branch snapped as a form appeared. The tall figure was cloaked and hooded, hiding any identity that Trent might perhaps recognize.  When it had drawn nearer, it paused as if looking at him for a moment.  Then it walked over to the fire and neatly deposited it’s armload of wood next to it. 
            Trent slowly turned his head again and watched as the figure neatly stacked the wood.  It’s back was toward Trent, allowing him to open his eyes wider and get a better look.  The figure, though rather tall, was small in form.  It’s hands were also small and slender.
Another twig snapped, accompanied by the crunching of leaves.  The figure by the fire straightened and looked out beyond Trent in the direction it had just come.  Trent held his breath and waited.  Footsteps drew nearer and nearer until they stopped right next to him. 
            Opening his eyes ever so slightly, he watched the person still standing by the fire.   Whoever it was hadn’t moved.  He could barely see the face inside the hood.  A slight glimmer from the fire revealed where the eyes were.  They seemed to be staring directly towards him.  The person beside him now gently touched his bandage.
            “How long since you brought him here?” a man’s voice came from the second figure and joined the first by the fire.  The answer wasn’t audible.  The man looked over at Trent and sighed deeply.  “You’ve done a good job on bandaging his wound.  I am afraid that when he awakes he will find more to wound him than simply the gash in his skull.”
The first figure said something as it clasped it’s hands in front of it.  The man simply nodded in reply and squeezed the shoulder of his friend.  “Here, if your soup is ready, perhaps you should feed him some of the broth.  No doubt his body could use it.”  The man sat wearily on the log and put his head in his hand.  The other figure picked up a wooden bowl and put a ladleful of the aromatic broth into it.  Walking over, it kneeled next to Trent, then reached up and removed the hood from it’s head, revealing long, brown hair.  Trent’s eyes instantly flew open as he gazed in bewilderment at the young woman that was bending over him.

Well?  Whatdya think??


Rightthinker-Andrea said...

I think it's wonderful! Thank you so much for glimpse inside!

Thank you very much for your very precious and meaningful comments on my recent blog posts of sadness. They have lifted me up and encouraged me.

You have a blessed day!

May Amelia said...

YAY! :D I'm so glad you posted more!! I am very picky about my fiction books, but I would read this in a heartbeat. May I be so bold as to request a pre-released autographed copy?!?!?!!? ;) Haha!

One thing I noticed: passive vs. active writing. Like in this sentence:
"A fire was crackling a few feet away, offering a welcoming warmth."
Right now the sentence is passive because it uses "was crackling" but if you say this: "A fire crackled a few feet away..." it becomes active. Do you see how much more ALIVE the sentence becomes? THis is all due to my grammar-Nazi self so if you were taught something different, just ignore me. :D

For the longest time I wanted to major in English so I could work at a big publishing house in the editing department. But, that wasn't where my true passion laid (lie, lay?) so I switched but.... on occasion, I do enjoy a good editing! :)

Lilac Bud Gal said...

Thank you very much for your comment.
You're welcome! Know that my prayers are with you and yours! :)

Ha, I think maybe I could provide that... ;^)
Ah, that is a very good point. I will definitely go back through and change it. I was laughing after I posted this next section because I hadn't gone through and 'pre-screened' it... I forgot to go back and make sure all my information and whatnot was correct. I spent a large part of today doing that. :)
Any how, thank you very much. Who knows, maybe when I get to doing full time writing, I might hire you as my editor! lol! ;^)
I almost wish you would go work at a publishing house.. then you could put in a few good words for me. haha!
Thanks for the comment!

Mary Ann said...

Oh it is wonderful. Where do I place my order for a copy of the book?

Martha Joy said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you, for posting another part of the story, Sarah! I was in such suspence! :) I will definatly want to get a copy of it when it's published! ;) Thanks again.
Love & Blessings,
Martha Joy

Lilac Bud Gal said...

Mary Ann,
Haha, your comment made me laugh.:) I think that was the biggest compliment ever. ;) I will definitely let you know when I get it published... :)

Martha Joy,
Thank you for reading it!!!! :) I have to say, I am glad you were in suspense. If you weren't, then I am doing something wrong. :) Love ya!!

Joshua said...

Completely captivating. I can't wait to read the whole thing now. :)

In Christ,
Joshua :)

Lilac Bud Gal said...

That is a huge compliment to an aspiring author/authoress!! To know that they captured their audience's attention is always a good thing... Thank you!