I sometimes feel like I've made great progress in my walk with Christ. I feel like I'm finally beginning to understand this or that and I feel elated with my progress. Guess that should be the first sign that I'm not as far as I think I've come! However, I will say that I do tend to know when I've grown more in the Lord. It shows itself in many ways, usually small things here and there. Maybe I don't just yell at my brothers when I'm mad at them. Instead I'm able to bite back the cutting words and speak gently, or at least with more kindness than what I would have done earlier! Or perhaps I feel more like serving my family one day, or maybe when I don't grudge about housework when I feel like I've done everything. In any case, I believe God is faithful to let us know that we are growing, that He loves us, and that He is proud of our determination, dedication, and hard work.
Yet, somehow I still feel like I'll never reach my goal. My goal of becoming more like Jesus every day. I have my setbacks and cringe, after I've yelled at a sibling, to know that the Devil has prevailed once again. I know that a lot of folks have said, 'well, we'll never be perfect, so there's no use trying'. Believe it or not, we can be perfect. Now before you exit out of my blog thinking that I've totally lost it, let me explain. I've been reading a book called 'Hungry for More of Jesus' by David Wilkerson and have found a lot of his thoughts have spot on. One of the things he said, though, was that we can be perfect. We need to strive to be more and more like Jesus. Well, if Jesus was perfect and we can be like Him, then we can be perfect. Now, unfortunately sin has entered the world, so we 'can't' be perfect because of that, yet we can strive for all we are worth to be so.
One of my newest revelations that God has shown me recently is to trust Him in ALL things, the big and the small. I was laughing one day, thinking about my 'business', if you can call it that. For a couple of months now, I've been cleaning house for a couple. It's a wonderful job for me because its something that I can do, and it isn't far from where I live. I was thinking how nice it would be to get another house to clean in the nearby area. I've got several things I'm saving up for, so why not? I began to fret and worry about how I was going to go about asking for house cleaning job. You might think, 'well, do the same thing you did to get the first one'. Ah yes, well that was totally a God thing. My brother and I ran into a friend at the grocery store, visited for a few minutes, then went on our merry way. Little did I know that God was answering my prayers-prayers to find a job so that I would be able to get my books published. This man went home, told his wife (who had just lost her other cleaning lady) that he had seen us, and didn't think much of it, I imagine. However, she did and the idea came that perhaps I would like to clean house. We had attended church with them for many years a while back, so we knew them pretty well. She liked the idea of having an independent, trustworthy young lady cleaning her house. So, she called me up and I've been cleaning ever since. Any way, that was obviously a 'God thing', as I might call it.
Well, there I was, worrying about how I was going to get another house, when it dawned on me. "Sarah," that little voice said. "What do you think you should do? You should trust God! He'll bring another house if He wills it. Now, you pray that He'll give you an answer, and then sit back and watch." I chuckled to myself, realizing how I really hadn't been trusting God! I trust Him to bring me a husband, tell me how to live my life, and yet I forget to trust Him about the little things in life. How foolish I am! Ah, thinking I've made leaps and bounds, yet still suffering great set-backs. I will say that, although He hasn't shown me the answer to my prayer yet, I know that He has heard me and will answer in His timing.
So, I've been trying to work on trusting Him more on the small things, as well as the big. He has proven to me over and over again that He has it under control and that nothing can stop Him from doing His works. He has surprised me with enough funds to publish my book, has blessed me with the knowledge of the next step that I'm to take, and has shown me His unending love and mercy. How can I continue to doubt that He will take care of me? It is something that I am still learning, I'm afraid. However, I am glad to know that He IS working on me, and that He loves me enough to keep pushing me beyond my limits so that I continue to grow in Him and His love.
It gives me strength to know that I still can strive to be perfect like Christ. I won't get there on my own, but God will continually guide me and give me what I need to make it through.
Just a few rambling thoughts from a learning student. :-)