What Am I Thinking?!?

Wow. It has been an extremely long time since I've been over here.... Shameful, really. Especially since I have so much going on. So much to talk about. So much to share. Which is actually funny... I've written up several posts.. I just haven't posted them. =P Maybe I should do that... huh.

But here I am, anyway. This shall be a rambling post. Maybe do a few lists or something. Yeah. Let's do that.

1) I've been really busy (in case you couldn't tell from the lack of posts). But surprisingly, I haven't been as busy and some might think. Yes, I live a life and that right there is chaotic and messy and beautiful. Yet there are so many other things that play into that.

2) We've been in an extremely busy time of year for the ranch. Working cows every. single. night. That gets rather exhausting and leaves little energy for other fun things (like blogging). However, we are finishing up this week and then we'll have a big working weekend and be done! YAY! I love the ranch seasons, but when they are almost done, I'm definitely ready for them to be!

3) I've still go my nanny jobs. I love them because they fit me so well. But they've also grown me in ways I never would have imagined. There are some days I come home just exhausted, wondering why I'm doing this in the first place... and then I remember that those momma's, well they get this every single day. And me coming in once a day gives them a bit of a break. A rest. And that makes it worth it. Oh, not to mention the ADORABLE cuties I get to watch.. hah! Or those bittersweet moments when the littlest one is finally old enough to pronounce your name correctly.... or when your heart melts because the one child that doesn't express emotions very often tells you he loves you. All those moments are so beautiful. So precious. It makes every single day that I'm working so worth it. It also makes me look forward to a time when maybe God will bless me with my own children someday. And I can look forward to those same things.

4) I've been taking a web design class! HTML And CSS. Boy it has been an adventure! Lots of learning, lots of crying, and definitely lots of frustrating moments. But that, too, has also been good. I find that if I'm not learning something... well, it's just not a great place to be. We should always be learning, growing, improving somehow. I wanted to do web design. So when I found out from a friend about these Christian guys that teach IT stuff online, I had to check it out. After doing some praying and thinking, I signed up for the class. Needless to say, my family is rather excited... course not because I'm doing this, exactly, but because when I'm done, I'll be able to design websites for them. Ranch website, sister's photography site.. lol! But hey, it will give me that much needed practice.

5) I have recently been presented a very exciting opportunity. Only problem is, I don't know if it will actually happen. So I don't want to say anything yet. But I would appreciate your prayers! Mainly that if God has this in store for me, He will open up all the doors for it and guide me through. And that I will listen well. ;-) But it is just SO very exciting... I honestly don't think I can survive the excitement! ok, ok. being a bit dramatic, I know....

6) I have realized that it is time to move on from acting in my beloved ABC drama group. This is extremely bittersweet. It has been so very fabulous working with everyone and acting and being a part of every production (not just on stage, but back stage, too). And now, I say au revoir. Granted, I won't totally drop them like an old shoe completely, but my acting days are over with them. This is very sad. I really don't like this side of the 'growing up' thing. However, I'm still looking forward to participating in ways like stepping up as assistant director or taking over costuming full time, or helping with props, etc. However, the sweet part out of all this is that now I maybe have some time to start pursuing some different adult theaters. There are a couple that are somewhat local and I look forward to possibly participating in some of their plays. We'll see what the Lord has planned!

7) I feel like I have recently been pushed into a growing season. These are very good, typically. It means you're maturing more, growing more, etc. The only problem is that they are really hard to go through! The end result might be great... but the journey is hard. And then, of course, there's the realization that there is never an end to the journey. It continues on until you die. That then puts you in a rather sullen mood, on some days. Other days it doesn't bother you one bit and you are ready to face the challenges ahead. I am, however, finding myself hitting the 'low point'. The point where I start wondering what in the world I'm doing. Where I wonder if I'm messing up God's plan or if I really am just following Him blindly, trusting that He'll lead me... Of course, I know He'll lead me.. it's just my interpretation of His directions that I worry about. Because, after all, I am human. *sigh*. Gotta love this thing called growing up, right? At least I have an amazing prayer support network of family and friends who keep me covered daily. =)

And there's a nice wrap up to a much needed post. Maybe not much needed for my readers because, honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if you'd abandoned me at this point.. But it's much needed for me. I've decided this blog is like my 'therapy', if I actually need it. A place other than a quick face book post to really share my thoughts. That being said, after having been burnt out a little bit back with my writing endeavors, I now find myself willing and ready to jump in again. I may never accomplish the large novel I want to complete or publish any more books.. but if I'm just writing on here, even if no one reads it, I still feel as if I've done something. For myself, maybe, but it's hard to hold back when the urge to write something pops up almost constantly in the day.

So, all that being said, it feels good to be back. To be home again.