Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Desiring is Desirable

Lately I seem to have gotten this very odd idea in my head. Not really sure where it came from, but it just planted itself and I've been having a rather hard time getting it out.....

This little thought is that it is wrong to long or desire for something. To be specific, that it is wrong to desire and long for marriage someday.

See, when I was younger, I had this idea that as soon as I graduated, I would get married and start raising a family. I mean, that that was something that was incorporated into my daily training: how to be a helpmeet. Now, I've still got a long way to go on that one, but I am training for it. So I figured I would get married right after highschool and move on with my life.

Apparently God had other plans. Two years later, still single but (and this is hard for some to understand) I'm rather content with it. God has given me a place in my home, has given me a task to do, and I'm really very content with that. In fact, several years ago, I was praying really hard for God to bring my husband and I really felt like God clearly answered that I needed to learn to be content in my singleness because I wasn't going to be getting married any time soon.

So, I have learned to keep myself busy, focusing on serving others and seeking the Lord's will. I may not be doing it perfectly every day, but at least I am striving for it, and that is all He asks of us.

However, to get back to my earlier point, I do still find myself wishing for a husband. Yet any time that desire comes up, I try to shoot it down, thinking it's wrong of me to want it.

I recently realized, though, that I hadn't prayed for my husband in a long time. You know how you pray for that "someone, whoever he may be"? Well, I hadn't done it in a long time. See, I kind of took God's message of "not right now" to mean "never, ever, therefore you must never ask again.".

Reality check here... I don't know God's plan for my life beyond what He has currently given me to do. I can't see my whole future and I don't know if it includes a husband and family. So why should I stop praying and desiring?

I think for me, I stopped praying because I was afraid it would take my focus off of God and onto husband hunting or something crazy like that. So instead, I just stopped thinking of it all together. I didn't want to dream of it, I didn't want to imagine it, I didn't want anything to do with it because I was afraid. Yet, I've begun thinking that perhaps that was the wrong course to take.

Praying and desiring are good things. Praying, we all know, is good because we need to tell God our hopes and dreams and desires and then ask Him to change those to match His perfect will. And desiring isn't wrong, either. I mean, God made women to desire a home and family of their own. That's how we're made. Where it gets wrong is if I let it take control of my life. When that's all I can think about, when it's all I can talk about with friends, when it's all I ever dream about, then it's become a god. And we all know that THAT is wrong. =)

So my recent life lesson has been to not be afraid of desiring or asking for things, but to remain content with where I am at and let the Lord guide me. If I remain completely submersed in Him, then I'm not going to stray. It's a tricky, thin line that I don't want to cross.

Learning to be content has probably been the hardest thing I've ever done... especially when I'm waiting for God to give me something to do. I don't really care for waiting with nothing to do and especially when it has to do with my life! But I've also learned, through many struggles and trials, that God's timing truly is the best and He really has my best interest in mind. Just like any father, He is watching over me and wants me to be happy, but He wants me to happy and joyful and content in the things that He has given me.

Have you had any life lessons so far this year?


Prairie Momma said...

Excellent thoughts, Sarah. I remember when we wanted to have children so badly, but the answer kept being "no". It reached a point where it was easier to just not "want" children than to be hurt over and over. Then, God really spoke to me and asked me WHY did I want children. Was it for my own gratification? Was it to satisfy my own plans? Did I want children for HIS reasons? Sadly, I knew the reason I wanted children wasn't because I wanted what GOD wanted for me but because I wanted them to fulfill my OWN desires. That completely changed my prayer and thinking on the whole subject. You are a beautiful answer to prayer, but not for my own self but to honor GOD. It was difficult to let go of MY desires and focus on HIS, but it has been the most joyous thing ever since. It was also a great lesson to keep going back to over and over - letting go of what I wanted and ask for GOD's best for my life - even if it was the opposite of my own desires. I love you!!

Frannie said...

Good thoughts! I really appreciated your honesty and vulnerability here! Ugh, I cannot tell you the struggles I have had in this area.

For many years before I met Dalton I always strove to be content in my singleness yet understanding that marriage was beautiful and to be desired.

But now that I am married I am often tempted with feeling like I should be doing more instead of focusing on the task God has appointed me.

It is the strangest thing and one I am in daily working to find the proper balance. But mainly, I must learn to ask God what he wants from me. :)

Oh, hello, by the way! I haven't been over here in such a long time but I hope to become a familiar face again!

With blessings!

Reyna Nicole said...

Hi there!

I nominated you for the Sunshine Award - if you want to do it, you cab check out my blog!



mosey said...

So beautifully written Sarah, I wanted to share with you (as a mentioned quite some time ago) my thoughts as well… I remember well the time that you now find yourself in… Having been raised to be a wife, and a mother and yet… That not happening right away.

Something that my mom said to me at one point that made SO much sense to me was this: “run the race, focus on the Lord as your goal. But every now and then look around to see who is running next to you.”

It is true… When our eyes are fixed on Jesus we don’t become consumed with the desires that sometimes seem as though they will eat us alive! But here is another truth, which you are already in on, but I want to encourage you that you are in the right direction. It is NOT wrong to want or desire marriage, it is not wrong to think about it and to continue to prepare yourself for it. :)

One verse that explains this SO beautifully is this: Trust in the Lord and do good;
    dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
~Psalm 37:3-5.

Now of course this doesn’t mean, think God is neat and he’ll give you whatever you want… It means that when you are fully delighting yourself in the Lord, focusing your heart and life on Him, His desires for you will become your desires for you and those desires he plants into your heart He IS going to fulfill.

Praying for you as you wait on His perfect plan for your life… and just let me say, when you wait on Him, trust in Him and He does bring that desire of your heart; It will be beyond all you could have imagined up for yourself.

Take heart! You are His dear one and He wants the very best for you, and your future spouse too.